{"id":240,"date":"2016-05-19T00:04:09","date_gmt":"2016-05-18T23:04:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/?p=240"},"modified":"2016-05-19T00:04:09","modified_gmt":"2016-05-18T23:04:09","slug":"flatliners","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/flatliners\/","title":{"rendered":"Flatliners"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"image\"Going to share something quite personal with you now . As I sit here I am finding it really difficult to put what I want to say into words, so I am going to start with what moved me to write today’s blog. <\/span><\/p>\n

My day started at my physiotherapist ( Scott Gormley of Shropshire Physiotherapy) small improvements with my knees but not totally pain free which is grinding me down somewhat. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He is pals with my coach Pom FinishStrong Tutt and I’ve given my permission for them to discuss my progress so far and for the future. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So Scott is convincing me that I can and should do more on the powermill (Lucifers staircase) and him breaking down has me convinced I can … The door hasn’t even shut behind me and he has shared this information with Pom… I know Pom will be pleased he loves the powermill as a method of torture (and because he knows it’s an effective piece of kit). I do my day at work and trot along to my training session with Pom who is in high spirits. \u00a0Half an hour on the Oxtane lateral X machine and Pom heads over to the …. You guessed it powermill…… It can’t be … I was only on the doom machine yesterday… But like a yellow card in a footie match it pointless arguing and up I went. \u00a0In my head I am thinking I can do this I can do this and begin, we try a different approach going medium speed for a minute and the slow speed for a minute and with a great deal of effort smash through 14 floor ( whaaaaaaat) I cant breath my calves are burning but I’m a little bit pleased with that …. But then after a recovery few minutes up I go for round two.. As I climb to the top of the machine I beat myself, in my head I am already saying I can’t do this I manage 6 floors then !!!!boom!!! brick wall !!! nothing Pom can say can stop me hitting the stop button and getting back on the floor….. <\/span><\/p>\n

I’m fighting inside, everything is shutting down my shoulders neck and throat tighten and I feel like I’m going to cry… I can’t let that happen now can I ?<\/span><\/p>\n

… And here is the share….<\/span><\/p>\n

I don’t like people to see me cry it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, I don’t even know why I want to cry. \u00a0I have spent my life holding in emotions , covering how I’m feeling with laughs and smiles and jokes so nobody can see I’m hurting. \u00a0I do cry but this is usually in private, I hide when I want to cry I don’t want to look at anybody or have them look at me. \u00a0So here I am stood at the bottom of the powermill Pom doing his sympathy face and trying to get me to ( to use a frozen lyric) “let it go” but all I can do is \u00a0“conceal don’t feel don’t let them know”.. \u00a0This is my issue, I have spent so many years hiding my emotions I have problems showing them, I can’t do excited either I sat and had a think about what excites me… I couldn’t come up with a single thing…. On the plus side it means I’m quite even tempered (I can’t remember the last time I lost it.) \u00a0I am sometimes very envious of those feisty folk who can just explode Geordie Shore style. I am emotional I just don’t like to show it in public. \u00a0So I flatline… Beep beep beeeeeeeeeeep … I’m calling it. \u00a0 Can I be resuscitated?..\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Going to share something quite personal with you now . As I sit here I am finding it really difficult to put what I want to say into words, so I am going to start with what moved me to write today’s blog. My day started at my physiotherapist ( Scott Gormley of Shropshire Physiotherapy) […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=240"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":242,"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240\/revisions\/242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lf-s.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}