Category Archives: Funny

Body pump and bricking it

As part of my ongoing growth, Guru, friend, leader and coach Pom Tutt has suggested that I attend some classes at the gym so that my Gym experience is not so insular.  I think he wants me to socialise more with the other gym members.  Now apart from my inappropriate humour ( I should seriously wear a T shirt with a disclaimer on it) I have no problem with socialising. Class clown me and often described as bubbly (although if I’m honest I always take that as a nice way of saying pleasantly fat but that’s just me).

That  is until you put me in leggings that go see through when I bend over (thank the Lord God and ASDA for big pants) and  in a situation where I am likely to swear like a turrets suffer and sweat actual whilst turning the purple side of red.  Problem with me is that despite everything I get a bit competitive and always end up overdoing it.  My instruction from the man himself is to work at 80%, difficult to do in a room full of people giving 110%.

However even with all that turmoil swimming around my head I have booked myself into Body Pump not one but two sessions this week, so this may be my last entry as tomorrow I may expire , or melt or be arrested for making sailors blush with my blue language.

I will let you know how I get on, I have deliberately told you so that I cant skive the class and pretend I never booked it because I am seriously bricking it.

So if you never hear from me again… it’s been a blast 🙂

One Size Fits All

These are words that will haunt me to my death. What they should say is one size fits all but only around 10% of you will look any good in it so don’t bloody kid yourself.

You will never be entirely happy with what is in the mirror there is always going to be something you don’t like, that is our way it is what makes us human.

I see myself every day I make a point of standing in front of the mirror and scrutinising what I see. I desperately stare and myself in the noddy trying to see a difference to how I looked when I began.

People find it difficult to believe that I don’t actually see a difference at all. This is because apparently they can. I try to convince myself but I truly believe that no matter what I do the girl staring back at me will always be a fatty.

On the positive side though she will always be a constant reminder of the work I have done and the work I have to do. I truly believe we are what we who we are for a reason and without my weight and insecurities my personality may have been different and I am happy with who I am

So what I am saying is SCREW one size fits all find the size you are happy with and give it a name.

My current state is Plumpcious

 

Slow and steady wins the race …

So this weekend was the weekend I decided I was going to remeasure myself after eight weeks ..  I was feeling really good feeling fitter, clearer skin, shiny hair, cold nose just like a healthy dog really …..until I put the measuring tape around me and to be honest I was  a little bit disappointed by the loss .  I think secretly I was expecting to have dropped masses I felt better so I figured I must be thinner. I prepared myself for that biggest loser moment where you’re jumping up and down all excited and flapping tears away from your eyes instead it was a bit of a  MEH!, moment.  So what did I do in the face of adversity did I going to the kitchen and raid the fridge no ! Did I go in to the kitchen and raid the cupboards no! did I go down the garage and fill my pockets with chocolate and then fill my face with chocolate no !,….  What I did was text my coach Pom …now what a breakthrough that was !! the reason I’m writing this blog right now is because I think it’s important that you know what reply I got my text .

My text to him said “Right Pom I think we need to ramp things up a bit …done my measurements and they aren’t as drastic as I would’ve liked 😟”

Now at this stage I think most trainers would probably be hitting the books looking for more cardio throwing more weights at me telling me I need to do more sessions a week and get me to fill in a food diary.

This is the reason that I like Pom…  The quintessential difference between a personal trainer and a coach the following is a screenshot of the reply I got to my text message.

Screenshot_2015-10-26-17-50-42

Did you notice? 

He wrote we are the tortoise not you are the tortoise …why? Because we are in this together .

Everything is part of the process, what you’ve got to remember when you have disappointments is not to quit is to remember why you started ! and okay I didn’t lose as many inches as I would’ve liked, but I have lost inches and okay they are not off my gargantuan butt but they are off my thunder thighs so every cloud has a silver lining and that hare can run as fast as he likes  but is not going to beat me because forever rest he takes I’m going to keep going and eventually I’m going to reach that finish line look-back smile and say kiss it Big Ears …

That’s science init….

Yesterday in my training session, Pom my coach amazed me with proving that the term building muscle is actually true, we started on lightweights and are gradually working our way up, I managed to amaze Pom with a pen that rubs out !,,, that science init!!!.

Gradually week by week I seem to be getting a little bit stronger, not crawling out of the gym and I’m not spending two days Popping pain killers and ice packing my bits because I’m dying 

So basically the gradual increase is helping me build the muscle meaning that the recovery is much quicker so that I can go back to build in the muscle brilliant 

 I must admit though I do prefer my training sessions with my coach. When I’m on my own I feel a bit lonely I’m like Billy no mates throwing some weights around and get a bit scared staring all the people in the gym in case you think you checking them out ( ans sometimes … I am whoops) 

Squeezing a nut bag

I’ve just made almond milk for the first time, so have spent the last twenty minutes squeezing hard on a nut bag…. Yes you did read that correctly !.
"Vanilla Almond Milk 1 cup almonds (soaked overnight) 3-4 cups purified water 6 dates (soaked 4 hours) 1/2 tsp. ground vanilla bean Blend almonds, water, dates and vanilla at high speed until creamy. Strain using a nut milk bag or fine sieve. For a delicious egg-nog alternative, simply add nutmeg, ground cloves, a banana & pinch of salt!"
Vanilla Almond Milk

1 cup almonds (soaked overnight)
3-4 cups purified water
6 dates (soaked 4 hours)
1/2 tsp. ground vanilla bean

Blend almonds, water, dates and vanilla at high speed until creamy. Strain using a nut milk bag or fine sieve. For a delicious egg-nog alternative, simply add nutmeg, ground cloves, a banana & pinch of salt!