Self belief is a power weapon against the battle of the bulge, people who don’t really know me think I’m confident ( ha got them fooled) … My confidence comes in waves ( and with a bit of voddy). One moment I will be the epitome of confidence , then next a crisis of confidence has me sat away from the crowd, almost mouse like.  I shared yesterday that I’m a bit emotionally stunted and use my sense of humour as a shield.  At the end of the day though folks I am human… My coach Pom keeps telling me that believe it or not people are impressed by me and often ask him how I’m getting on.  This confuses me , I know anyone reading this might be thinking .. Well you’re writing a blog for attention. I suppose in some ways I am, this is therapy for me , it’s a way of keeping me focused it’s like a very public record of how I’m getting on, the reason it’s public is because once it’s out there you just can’t hide from it.  

I wish sometimes I could see myself through other people’s eyes,

I know you are going to see some negative things , but I believe in human kindness and I truly want to believe that when people see you are trying they respect you.  It’s nice when at the gym somebody comes up to me and says “love your blog” or “you’re doing really well” it’s happened and to those people ( I hope you read this) I want you to know, just those few words lifted me higher than the clouds.  I may not have shown it, to be honest I know I said thank you but have no idea what my body language or face was sayin ( probably sweaty and knackered). I like to think I’m applicable and those little social interactions drive me.

I am guilty of constantly comparing myself to other people and always coming out worse for it. I admire people and all their diversity sometimes I get a little bit envious , I don’t get jealous because I want people to achieve and I’m so happy for them when they do.  I just don’t feel like I achieve as well as other ( dumb right?).

I guess I am an enigma I want to be remarkable and invisible at the same time.. So here is my new mantra ( well at least I’m going to try)

Why is all the cool training gear only for the smaller sizes?

There are some wicked designed sportswear out there and yet they come in a max size of extra large which is a size 14-16 (extra large…… seriously!!)

I know that most larger people want to wear the baggiest thing possible and melt into the background but it would be nice for us to have the choice grrr.

So how do I compensate this sad lack of ways to express my inner Goddess?

Trainers and Tech…. I am the original or at least one of the many all the gear and no idea girls.

Every time I have started a new regime or joined a gym I have bought myself new trainers ( I have a lot of trainers) and as much tech as I can get my hands on.  It becomes like an obsession …

Almost like my confidence has to come in a box delivered by amazon.

I am proud to announce that I have had various tech sat in my save for later shopping cart for aaaaggggeeeessss and haven’t completed the transaction, every time I’ve gone to I have thought about how is it going to enhance my gym and fitness experience? and so far the answer has been it doesn’t !! and I’ve made do with what I already own.

At my gym Anytime fitness they are dedicated to providing members the best of the best.

The cardio machines are high tech and fabulous (I’ve been cycling through the virtual alps… fascinating) if you are not sure what I mean check out this link https://www.lifefitness.co.uk/commercial/cardio/discover.html the equipment is awesome, I am so busy enjoying the scenery I forget to look at the clock and so my session is done before I know it.

The hardware doesn’t stop there, they also buy us skipping ropes, boxing gloves, foam rollers and that’s to name but a few things. We also have the use of a private studio with virtual classes so if you fancy spin but don’t fancy the thought of someone look at you sweaty ass for an hour.. not a problem book a wellbeats virtual class and the room is all yours at a time to suit you.

So all you need to reach max tech in my gym is a chest strap, a mobile phone, a headset of some sort and the pure self driven motivation to keep going  then BOOOOSH you are kitted out !!…

I know this sounds like I am an Anytime rep selling membership but I can assure I’m not being paid to say this , if anything I’d love the place to be quiet all the time but that’s just not good for business and the staff there are so lovely I wouldn’t want them to not be a success.

Anytime staff, members and of course my amazing coach Pom Tutt of Finish Strong have helped transform this girl from all the gear and no idea. To screw the gear and face your fear!

January always sees the local Gyms packed full of the new year resolutionists, people hell bent of creating their summer bodies and sweating away the seasonal over indulgence.

For me this makes attending the gym even more difficult, the sudden crowd of new faces brings on one of my wobbly moments, I am not talking about my jellyesque figure I talk about what is the fine line between happy me and full mental break down me.

I was training with my coach Pom Tutt and he asked me to do a conditioning exercise  which involved doing a box burpee which is leaving the ground, the ground and I have an understanding I never leave it and in return it does not rise up and smack me in the face.

Immediately my subconscious rooted my feet to the floor  the power of the mind you know, that and I knew there were people behind me 🙁

Straight away the words “I Can’t” left my lips Pom just looked at me ….  “Why?” he asked…. hmmm,  I thought open question that!!.

I had two choices, cry and hope he took pity … or suck it up and forget what other people might be thinking. (I need to qualify that at my Gym Anytime Fitness nobody has ever said anything nasty to me its all in my head).

I chose the latter ( I was after all wearing my Don’t Give Up T shirt)  and surprised myself for the first time in a long time I found my bounce 🙂 Yaaay.

So for all the people who have joined the Gym and headed straight for the treadmill or the cross trainer, might I suggest booking a block of sessions with a trainer and give your workout some focus and try some of the other kit available in gyms now a days. 

This will help you achieve and grow, and in turn improve your chances of succeeding rather than getting bored and giving up a couple of months in, we all know how it starts… First you go at it like a demon, then you miss a session then you go again miss two sessions and before you know it you are working out the minimum amount of times each month you need to attend the gym in order to still be getting your monies worth, or ringing the Gym to check on their cancelation policy.

I thought I knew it all but with my coach ( and I call him a coach rather than a trainer because he is more than just a PT) nearly every session is a learning experience.

Happy 2016 all, I am back again like a YoYo.

Sometimes life just takes over and finding the time to write a blog or even try to think of something witting and enlightening to say when on the whole my life is hum drum but ticking over your work time drags and time at home just flies by.

But I have a dream (wait isn’t that a famous speech?).

It was pointed out to me today that despite me thinking my blog is just the inane rantings of a fit girl in a jiggerly fat suit, some of my words have actually hit home with people.

I suppose our pack mentality says there is safety in numbers and its comforting to know that you are not the only one who feels a particular way.  So in the hope that in some way I am helping I have opened my blogs up so that you can comment on them directly.  This for me is a massively brave move. I lay myself bare here being as honest about my thoughts and feelings as I can and so when I started I blocked comments so I didn’t get attacked by keyboard antagonists.

But I am interested to see what you really think and want to give you the opportunity to enhance this blog with your own thoughts.

So here is my thought of the day. To truly want to improve yourself you have to learn to love yourself , as frankly I wouldn’t want to help someone I really didn’t like.

What I am saying is that you need to learn to work with what you have got I am not promoting an unhealthy lifestyle I am saying if you are overweight its ok to still like yourself, you don’t have to hate who you are because society has got a downer on obesity at the moment. If you are happy and healthy weight is just a number so don’t focus on numbers, focus on how you feel and then because you like yourself you are going to want to help yourself to a better life.

So from a YoYo I go to YOLO (you only live once).

Take each day as a new day be it a step up , a step side ways or even a step backwards.

Try to laugh at, at least one thing a day no matter how silly..(fart noises always get me :)…)