Monthly Archives: May 2016

Life Through a lens

Self belief is a power weapon against the battle of the bulge, people who don’t really know me think I’m confident ( ha got them fooled) … My confidence comes in waves ( and with a bit of voddy). One moment I will be the epitome of confidence , then next a crisis of confidence has me sat away from the crowd, almost mouse like.  I shared yesterday that I’m a bit emotionally stunted and use my sense of humour as a shield.  At the end of the day though folks I am human… My coach Pom keeps telling me that believe it or not people are impressed by me and often ask him how I’m getting on.  This confuses me , I know anyone reading this might be thinking .. Well you’re writing a blog for attention. I suppose in some ways I am, this is therapy for me , it’s a way of keeping me focused it’s like a very public record of how I’m getting on, the reason it’s public is because once it’s out there you just can’t hide from it.  

I wish sometimes I could see myself through other people’s eyes,

I know you are going to see some negative things , but I believe in human kindness and I truly want to believe that when people see you are trying they respect you.  It’s nice when at the gym somebody comes up to me and says “love your blog” or “you’re doing really well” it’s happened and to those people ( I hope you read this) I want you to know, just those few words lifted me higher than the clouds.  I may not have shown it, to be honest I know I said thank you but have no idea what my body language or face was sayin ( probably sweaty and knackered). I like to think I’m applicable and those little social interactions drive me.

I am guilty of constantly comparing myself to other people and always coming out worse for it. I admire people and all their diversity sometimes I get a little bit envious , I don’t get jealous because I want people to achieve and I’m so happy for them when they do.  I just don’t feel like I achieve as well as other ( dumb right?).

I guess I am an enigma I want to be remarkable and invisible at the same time.. So here is my new mantra ( well at least I’m going to try)

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Flatliners

imageGoing to share something quite personal with you now . As I sit here I am finding it really difficult to put what I want to say into words, so I am going to start with what moved me to write today’s blog.

My day started at my physiotherapist ( Scott Gormley of Shropshire Physiotherapy) small improvements with my knees but not totally pain free which is grinding me down somewhat.  

He is pals with my coach Pom FinishStrong Tutt and I’ve given my permission for them to discuss my progress so far and for the future.  

So Scott is convincing me that I can and should do more on the powermill (Lucifers staircase) and him breaking down has me convinced I can … The door hasn’t even shut behind me and he has shared this information with Pom… I know Pom will be pleased he loves the powermill as a method of torture (and because he knows it’s an effective piece of kit). I do my day at work and trot along to my training session with Pom who is in high spirits.  Half an hour on the Oxtane lateral X machine and Pom heads over to the …. You guessed it powermill…… It can’t be … I was only on the doom machine yesterday… But like a yellow card in a footie match it pointless arguing and up I went.  In my head I am thinking I can do this I can do this and begin, we try a different approach going medium speed for a minute and the slow speed for a minute and with a great deal of effort smash through 14 floor ( whaaaaaaat) I cant breath my calves are burning but I’m a little bit pleased with that …. But then after a recovery few minutes up I go for round two.. As I climb to the top of the machine I beat myself, in my head I am already saying I can’t do this I manage 6 floors then !!!!boom!!! brick wall !!! nothing Pom can say can stop me hitting the stop button and getting back on the floor…..

I’m fighting inside, everything is shutting down my shoulders neck and throat tighten and I feel like I’m going to cry… I can’t let that happen now can I ?

… And here is the share….

I don’t like people to see me cry it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, I don’t even know why I want to cry.  I have spent my life holding in emotions , covering how I’m feeling with laughs and smiles and jokes so nobody can see I’m hurting.  I do cry but this is usually in private, I hide when I want to cry I don’t want to look at anybody or have them look at me.  So here I am stood at the bottom of the powermill Pom doing his sympathy face and trying to get me to ( to use a frozen lyric) “let it go” but all I can do is  “conceal don’t feel don’t let them know”..  This is my issue, I have spent so many years hiding my emotions I have problems showing them, I can’t do excited either I sat and had a think about what excites me… I couldn’t come up with a single thing…. On the plus side it means I’m quite even tempered (I can’t remember the last time I lost it.)  I am sometimes very envious of those feisty folk who can just explode Geordie Shore style. I am emotional I just don’t like to show it in public.  So I flatline… Beep beep beeeeeeeeeeep … I’m calling it.   Can I be resuscitated?.. 

For Gods Sake breathe

Big breaths ( I had to be careful how I typed that)..

Today I’d like to share what I’ve learnt about breath control.

As a lifelong big girl I’m constantly having a battle with myself to cover up the fact that when I do things that raise my heart rate it makes me out of breath .   So what is my brilliant master plan  in order to cover up the fact that, yes I do get out of breath sometimes …..it is …to hold my breath.

And so …!!!vicious circle alert !!! when you hold your breath to mask the fact that you’re out of breath you end up gasping for breath which defeats the object of holding your breath in the first place.

So here is the science bit….

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From oxygenplus.com ( a retailer of sport performance oxygen)

“Cellular respiration is the process in which your muscles use oxygen to produce ATP energy. It’s a relatively straightforward process. Normally, your body obtains oxygen from the air you breathe. It enters the blood stream and is carried to your muscles, where some of it is used immediately, and the rest is stored by a compound called myoglobin. Whether you’re exercising or not, the oxygen in your body is used to break down glucose and create the fuel for your muscles called ATP.

During exercise, your muscles have to work harder, which increases their demand for oxygen. This is why your breathing and heart rates increase, to pull more oxygen into the bloodstream. As you exercise, the oxygen that reaches your muscles never leaves, but rather sets to work immediately converting the available glucose into ATP.

So, what happens when your body runs out of oxygen, or your other systems simply can’t deliver it to your muscles quickly enough? Your muscles begin converting glucose into lactic acid instead of energy, anaerobic exercise takes over, power output drops and fatigue sets in. Unfortunately, anaerobic exercise can only continue for so long before your muscles run out of energy completely and reach fatigue.”

For me everyday is a school day,  from this I’ve learnt that if you don’t establish the right breathing rhythm when you’re working out you’re starving your muscles of oxygen.  When you starve your muscles of oxygen they fatigue quicker so that horrible burning feeling you feel any muscles when they’re getting tired that cold numbness that makes you feel like you going to puke News Flash ,, that’s because you’re not breathing.  Oh and ATP is adenosine triphosphate or the energy currency of life it is the science term for how your cells use oxegyn. Cuz that’s science innit!

Now we get the problem (eventually) …  I have always held my breath when I’ve been exercising, I hold my breath walking up the stairs, I hold my breath if I have to walk fast someone. Holding my breath to cover up the fact that I’m out of breath is a habit.  It’s a difficult habit to break I have to literally tell myself to breathe.

It’s a bit of a dodgy relationship I’ve got with exercise I have so much to think about all at once that sometimes just fall out with myself.

My worst critic is my best friend and the only person on this planet who knows me.   My worst critic is the person who drives me the hardest the only person who can make any changes in my life.

My worst critic is named … Louise and she needs to stop blubbing and get a grip.  But this girl is stubborn and stuck in her ways and sometimes just needs a bloody slap, and I don’t mean kinky 50 shades of slap I mean a proper run up shot in the kisser.

Posture, Form and all that Jazz

 

Today I got to thinking about posture…… my trainer is always going on about good form, lift light weights like they are heavy, engage the core, breath tense, snap yadda yadda yadda.

A work out is as much mental as it is physical.  Thing is when it all comes together is works.. who knew!!.  Eventually after repeating , improving and increasing the form almost becomes second nature so this made me think about my day to day life. 

How I hold myself when I sit at work, when I walk, when I am just generally relaxing.  The years have made my posture lazy I don’t have abs that stay engaged they relax like the before photo on those control pants adverts.

BODY_MAGIC_BEFORE_AFTER_full_fullI am by no means a specialist but it occurs to me that if you don’t carry yourself properly day to day you are putting strain on your joints that overtime will give you those aches and pains that stop you from being active because it hurts.  Do you see the vicious circle?

The only thing is nobody in day to day life can tell you if you are moving properly if you are holding your insides correctly. 

So my question is to those fit people out there ……

Do you have a relaxed state or are you muscles so well trained your gluts, quads and core are naturally tight pulling the structure into the optimal athletic posture?. 

Its like watching runners, there is a right and wrong way to do it isn’t there.?… well who teaches you that stuff? Can you recondition your body to relax but still with form or am I condemned to a life of constantly ?

Its a question blog today I hope if anybody reads this and they are in the know they will maybe drop a comment on it and share….